To be frank, I didn't know you would be pissed off to that extend. I know, anyone would have felt disappointed and furious in this particular situation, let alone a delicate and sensitive person that you are. I know too, that you are not the one who initiated the notion of having the trip in the first place. And I'm terribly sorry to have foxed you into giving me a hand in organizing this trip. Believe me or not, I was as excited and enthusiastic as you were when we confirmed the booking and started planning the itinerary. Remember I volunteered myself to be the driver for the trip so long as we all shared the petrol and toll together? Sadly, my humble and filthy little car could not afford to accommodate the number of people who promised to join, in which, I was one of them. Or else, everything would have been much simpler without having the least of thought of buying bus tickets. I daresay, the worries of taking a bus with a significant risk attached is among the reasons for the last-minute pull-out. Not to mention, we are required to fetch a cab from the bus stop as it would be a rather long journey from there to the hotel that we had booked.
Anyway, done I am, with the nonsense above which, I presume that you would want to hear no more. Please just take a deep breath and cool down before reading any further. I think there might be a misunderstanding based on the judgement that you held against me, which resemblances an accusation of me being an irresponsible person. I know from your post that, you have been busy and under a lot of stress lately. And you are perfectly right, is there anyone who is not busy and stressed out in this era? EVERYONE IS SUPER BUSY AND DAMN STRESSED OUT! You have a fair share of taste of an occupied life now, and I hope that it means you understand how our lives have been. I know, everyone has the right to voice out their dissatisfaction and express their exasperation. And I want you to know that, I have my fair share of unfortunate happenings of late too.
As you all know, I lost my phone last Friday. I was so emo about it not just because of my phone, but my content in it as well (which I mentioned in my previous post and I have no intention to repeat all over again). But, did I mention that I got reprimanded mercilessly by my dad for being so absent-minded? No. Did I mention that I had cold war with my dad ever since? No. Did I mention as well that, I had a fight with my grandma last Saturday regarding the skeleton in our closet and resulting in another cold war? No. Did I mention that I fled away from home for three days just so I could be alone to find peace and clear my thoughts? Hell no. Did I mention that, I was undergoing that particular menstrual cycle that time, which was probably one of the reasons why I acted so recklessly as to run away from problems? The answer is a damn NO! Oh, by the way, do you know how it felt like, when the uncertainty as to whether your family would be attending your convocation, sunk in, deeper and deeper as the day drew nearer? Convocation, one of the most important days in your life (aside from marriage, I suppose), yet your family didn't even bother to attend? Do you know that I can feel tears welling up in my eyes typing all these out while trying my best to fight them back? I really had no intention of digging the past events out and presented them here for, I already had my feelings expressed by writing them down in my diaries. But for the sake of lifting the misunderstanding that lies between us, could you even imagine the pain, the emotional turmoil, that I have been going through?
Actually, I would very much prefer to let you know in person, or PM you via FB. However, your FB seems to be perfectly normal and too peaceful to be ruined by my emo posting. Seeing that blogging has been one of your mediums of expressing your feelings, I would rather do the same in accommodating you. I felt evidently reluctant to list down in public about what I've been through when the objective of me having a blog is to share happy news/memories, or some positive motivations. However, its because I value our friendship that I'm writing an unprecedented post in hopes to seek for your kind understanding. I know, I am a person with too much secret, and keep everything to myself. I've got that from many people, trust me. It's just that I believe I'm capable enough to manage them myself without the need to publicize them.
I just hope that you are not a person who holds double standards in judgements. 家家有本难念的经.. It's what we have gone through, and been through, that made us who we are today. I know I have hurt you in ways that I may not be able to imagine, and left a scar deep in your heart. I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry that you felt like a fool for looking forward to this trip. Trust me, that only makes the two of us, because I was a fool myself, when I naively thought that, as long as we are determined, everything would have worked out the way we wanted it to be. And, I have a same wonder as yours too, "Why other people can just go anywhere, plan any trip spontaneously, make the most out of it (eg: KL, HS, SM them), and make it seem so easily done.. Yet, when we (our group of friends) wanted to be like them, its like mission impossible." Its indeed unfathomable, I would say..
Anyway, I sincerely hope that, the misunderstanding would be resolved by the time we meet up again in the near future. I mean, we may talk it out if you want, despite of the fact that I may have difficulties describing my plight verbally to you in person. Mainly because, I don't wish to leave thorns in your heart, and most importantly, I don't want to loss a friend as precious as you.
Please let's hang out when we both are ready to face each other, which I hope, it wouldn't take up unbearably long a time. Take care and all the best in your research proposal.. Looking forward to seeing you soon...
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