The Letters #6

This year has been a tough one! This year, I am all alone. This year, I felt very exhausted, mind, body and soul. Don’t really have much things to talk about because my daily life was basically just carrying out routine tasks. Now that I think back, I kinda miss my life last year but well, we all need to move on somehow, don’t we? Btw, now only I realized that, the whole 2018 I only updated my blog twice, one about CNY and one about GE14. This would be my third post for the year. Gosh…

Ok, I’ll just head on straight to my customary gratitude letters:

Dear CT,

First of all, thanks for sticking by! Thanks for making the effort to celebrate my birthday and made it one of the most romantic and memorable birthdays ever in my life. Not only we got to visit Xing Xing in the Zoo, we also explored low light photography together! Honestly speaking, I regret that I didn’t do much for your birthday this year. I thought to bring you out for market exposure and so on but I didn’t know it actually made you felt disappointed. I’m thankful that you are willing to be honest with me and told me about your feelings because I have never thought it from that point of view. I’m sorry for not being sensitive enough and thanks for knocking some senses in to me. Thanks for making me see what I did there and how wrong I was and most of all, thanks for seeing passed all these and still accept me as your friend.  And again, thanks for sticking by despite all my flaws.

Getting news from you that you are leaving to Sabah really saddens me. We didn’t get to spend much time this year and now it gets even more difficult with you stationing over there. I regret for not making enough effort to spend time with you and hanging out and stuffs. I’m sorry that I let my personal problems affect how I treated people around me, including you. But I’ll try to clean up my own mess and try to improve from there. Then, perhaps I’ll have more capacity to care for people around me. I hope that distance will not affect our ties and that we could still be as close and ever.

All the best in Sabah, I know you will definitely survive it through. You are a survivor! If anything, I’m just a phone call away alright? Can’t wait to read your blog about your posting there hehe.. Take care and I’ll miss you.

Dear S,

Congratulations on your launching of new brand!!! Although the beginning of this year was very depressing, both in terms of careers and relationships, you have shown people what you truly capable of and I’m so damn proud of you! I’m glad that our friendship didn’t get affected despite what happened to our venture last year. Not only that, we got even closer than before and chat almost every day, sometimes even until midnight lol… I don’t know why but nowadays, I feel like it’s really hard to click with my other friends already. It’s like, we are on another channel speaking alien languages omg I’m glad that I took the risk to start something that I’ve never done before and get to know so many entrepreneurs throughout. Thanks for sharing with me all your stresses and worries and problems and I’m glad that sometimes you find my advice helpful. Yeah, I feel honoured to be part of your new journey. When you said now you have two important people in your life, one is Mr J and one is me, you have no idea how much it meant for me! And thanks for the X’mas gift, I really didn’t expect it omg let’s celebrate X’mas together next year ok?

Besides talking about serious stuffs, I enjoy teasing you as well. And, I dare say, you enjoyed being teased by people too right LOL.. Anyway, thank you for being there for me when I needed someone to talk to, you have always been my role model and I always remind myself to look at you whenever I procrastinate haha oh well, jokes aside, please do note that, I really appreciate our friendship and everything that we been through together and I hope that our bond will grow stronger. Wishing you a smooth journey ahead and, if you need help or anything, let me know and I’ll do my best to help. Fighting~~~

Dear ZL,

Congratulations again haha finally you are settling down with your hubby and thanks for having me as your jimui, it was truly a great honour you know? Thanks for your trust despite me telling you over and over again that this is my first time haha.. When you first announced the date, I quickly blocked my calendar and reserved that day for you, oh and the day before. You know I stay very far from KL and you offered a place to stay over with you. Such a simple gesture means a lot to me, really. And you arranged all the ex-colleagues to be at the same table with me during the dinner, which allowed me to have a short catch up with them all as well. Thanks for being so thoughtful my dear, your hubby is really lucky to have you.

Actually, I didn’t know we would end up so close but here we are. I know I feel like I’ve said this many many times but this is truly how I feel haha thanks for seeing me as your sister and share with me your highs and lows. I know this year has been tough on you too, being admitted for operations and so on but you managed to pull them all through. You are stronger than you thought, dear. Sorry for not meeting up as often as we did last year but I’m thankful that we keep each other updated via WhatsApp. I hope that next year we are able to meetup more often and perhaps go on a short getaway like what we did last year hehe.. All the best in your careers and life alright, new roles new responsibilities.. Jiayou!!

Dear J,

I think this year is the year that we meetup for the least lol.. Sorry for being so busy all the time, I really had lots of things to juggle and lots of challenges along the way. I think I saw your IG about some sh*tty issues that you are facing at school as well. I guess sometimes we just have to brace it through. Sorry that I didn’t spend much time to celebrate your birthday as I was rushing to another event. I know you are disappointed and I promise I’ll make it up to you next year!

Dear Mr K,

Actually, I thought we would go separate ways after we ended our venture. I thought there’s nothing left of me in the community and that I thought, you would not waste time on someone who has nothing to do with your networks. But you proved me wrong. You still invited me over for your Retreat Camp in Feb, and few networking sessions in the middle, MyPerintis Anniversary Dinner at Palace of Golden Horses, W’s birthday at A’s house, private gathering at Malt & Leaf, and Cross Border Summit in SG! I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it for few events but because of you I got to attend so many events and get to know so many people, I’m forever grateful for that, K. Especially the CBS where S and I get acquainted to so many people from the ASEAN region, I’ll never thank you enough for that.

There was a time where I wonder why you did all these, why are you so good to everyone because not everyone brings value to the community and so on. Then one day when I read back our chat, I found the answer. “We don’t support startup, we support people” (this chat was more than a year ago). You guys have been working so hard on building a sustainable community and business model and at the same time focus on supporting individuals as well. You guys have grown so fast and so big this year, yet never forget your core, your WHY. You are truly one of the people I admire from the bottom of my heart, K. Thanks for being there when I was lost. Thanks for all the wisdom that you have shared over some of our meetups. And thanks for recommending me the HK drama and kept asking me to watch it and true enough, it’s so damn good!

Wishing you all the best in your future endeavours and may your business reach greater heights under your leadership! I know this sounds so “cliché” but it’s truly what I hope for you haha take care yeah let’s catchup next year haha

Dear Mr CKM,

I’ll keep it short and sweet here. Thanks for checking out on me whenever you are free. Sometimes when you texted me during office hours, I was like, would I be disturbing you work? But yeah, thanks for cheering me up when I was down and kept asking me to go chill. But c’mon, how to chill lar when I got so many things to do and need to settle lol.. Anyway, finally we made it to meetup this year! Then only I found out actually we are staying not that far from each other omg we should catch up again next year, and please keep me in the loop with your new venture aite!

Dear M,

Thanks for being so patient with me! This is what I really wish to say on days like these, thanks for not giving up on me even until the very last moments. When I first know you, I thought you are a very materialistic kind of person, who only focuses on benefits and profits and so on. But then as time passes, I realised how wrong I was. You are truly someone who would pour their hearts and souls out for people, someone who would be there to support be it mentally or emotionally. You are someone who is willing to share, everything from FB gossips, to dietary menus, to Zumba and dancing and singing, to fitness apps, soft skills and technical knowledge and the list goes on, basically everything!

I’m sorry that things didn’t turn out the way you expected and I feel very bad for it. You have very high expectations on me but I guess everything happens for a reason. Ever since I joined your team, I’ve been reflecting on myself and I saw a lot of my weaknesses and thanks for giving me a hand to overcome them. Sometimes I wonder, is it because I wasn’t working on it hard enough, or was it because it’s in my blood so it’s not something that can be changed so easily overnight. But I’ve never regret a single moments spending time under your lead, M. I’ve exposed to so much, learned so much and grow so much. All these are impossible without you. Hope I’ll be a better person from now on and all the best for your team next year!

Dear G,

TBH, my first impression on you was like, “omg why she so childish wan”? LOL well, we really cannot judge a book by its cover! As time passes, I find you someone who is actually quite mature, very kind, and friendly and sincere. Even a small fly also you don’t have the heart to kill lol.. Oh well, jokes aside, thanks for all the times that we have spent together, be it while working or chui-shui or having lunch or going for site visit. You are always very thoughtful and understanding and sometimes it made me feel so paiseh. You always think of people first and put yourself at last. Thank you for the wonderful moments that we have shared and I’ll treasure them dearly. All the best in 2019 and hope you huat huat huat! Haha..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This year, I realised doing things alone was not an easy feat at all. When you have a team of people, you get to delegate tasks, where everyone works on stuffs that they are good at. When you are alone, you need to do EVERYTHING yourself. In my case, not only I find it challenging, it's very exhausting as well. And I have to admit, I'm not good at EVERYTHING. What I learned from my past experience told me that, I'm not good at sales. So this year, I jotted it down that, I want to try improve this. Ever heard of the saying, "Work on your weakness until it becomes your strength"? So, this is exactly what my 2018 agenda was all about.

After 365 days of experimenting, the conclusion is, it doesn't work for me. Not only that, it's very demotivating as well. I felt like, why is it the same no matter how much I've done? I felt like, why am I so useless, such simple things also can't do it right? I attended training, courses, got mentorship and so on but nothing works. It's really getting more depressing as time passed by. Until one point something popped out. Maybe I was wrong. I did it the wrong way, maybe I should try another way, as the saying goes, "focus on your strengths, outsource your weaknesses".

Then I remember another quote:

Maybe I had it wrong all along. And I think, 2019 is all about experimenting another approach. Sometimes, life is all about experiments I guess? Oh, and I've finally finished reading the book "Ikigai", so yeah, 2019 would be me pursuing "Ikigai". I'm still not quite sure what to expect in 2019 but hopefully something better, something that brings me one step closer to my goals. I'm beyond grateful for everything that happened to/around me and everyone who played a part in my life. Goodbye 2018, thanks for everything. And hey 2019, please treat me well ok!

How had 2018 been to you? Hope things were good. If not, no worries, tomorrow is a brand new year ahead, let's make it interesting! All the best and gambatte! #HopeCourageStrength