The Letters #3

Time flies, this is my third letter already. Reminiscing back the past 12 months, I noticed that somehow I've managed to draw the best people to me. Those who I failed to meet up last year, those whom lack of/lost contact, those whom I barely had the chance to know them better, we made it this year. Taking the initiative to attend a course on my journey to pursuing my interest, the Universe has brought me to meet many other great people too! I'm so lucky to be surrounded by them, who are willing to share their knowledge with me and guide me through. While there is this bunch of nice people being drawn to me, there are also few of whom have been drawn away from me. They say, everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is how the Universe works, it draws you closer to people who help lifting you up, and it draws away those who don't? I don't know if our parting distance is it just for now, or forever. I just know that I'm so blessed to have learnt so much from these people, really, from both the former and latter category.

Dear Jimui,

Fuh, though we didn't manage to go for a trip last year, I'm glad that we finally did this year round. We booked the ticket one year before, despite all uncertainties and obstacles throughout the length of time, eg: the MERS incident, I'm glad that God still blessed us with the way He did. Not only Korea officially declared that they had MERS under-controlled and stopped the spread, our flights were as safe as we'd prayed for, to-and-fro (given the precedented flight ordeals). 

I know we had a fight, not some random squabbling or that sort, but a huge one. I've long noticed that I'm a person who keeps things all to myself only, and I'm sorry that you had to find it out the hard way. Though I was rather offended by some of your criticisms, I chose to swallow it instead of initiating a "fight". Should you had not provoked me, I would have just kept my mouth shut and let you lashed your feelings out, seriously. I'm sorry for the way I handled it though, and I wished I could have the courage to really sit down and talk it out with you. I'm such a coward right? Even to you, my best friend since primary school, I find it difficult to open up to you. I doubt I would ever be able to, to anyone? 

Despite all that we have been through, I'm glad that we are still in good terms. We still chat and talk, but I don't know if we would ever put this behind us. I hope that you would not keep it in your heart and hold grudges against me. Everything happens for a reason, and I'm who I am today for a reason too. I really wish that, deep down in your heart, you would still see me as your jimui, and accept me for who I am. Please always remember that, I would never want to lose you.

One of the days where we both woke up early and applied make-ups.
But mine macam abit too over pulak.. lol.. 

Dear Gor,

You know I have a lot of things to tell you right? Too much that I don't know where to start from. It has been more than a year since we last met, no? You know what? When we planned to meet up like, few months ago, you know how I felt like that time? I had so much anticipation, I was very excited, at the same time I was nervous. That's the first time after such a long time that I felt so close and attached to a person, do you know that? That's the first time I tried to slowly open up to someone despite of my nature inability to do so, do you know that? I remember vividly your voice over the phone gor, it was so soothing and calming, it made me relaxed, it made me felt good. 

But I don't know how did we get to where we are today, I seriously don't know why everything has to be so complicated, gor. I come from a complicated family and thus, the last thing I want, would be adding complications to my life. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you are a complication, I just wish that you won't become one) I think the phrase "everything happens for a reason" comes into the picture again? It was after we decided to meet up that I found out actually you already had plans with Mels, and it drawn me into dilemma. I guess the way you replied me had helped made me see a clearer picture than before? I just, I couldn't bear to see you being stuck in the middle not knowing what to do to please everyone, gor. I was in your shoe before, remember? Between you and N, and I know how miserable it was to be in that situation. I know why you would always prefer to meet up on a weekday rather than during weekend too, gor, I'm not a 3-year-old child, I know your concern. You could have told me you know... You asked me to trust you, and I did. I trusted you, gor, but I don't know why I had to be fed by so much lies. What happened to being my protector and my guiding light?

That's when I figured, I needed to do something. I know it's unfair to make the call for you but I hope you would understand why I did what I did, gor.. You might be an expert in multi-tasking between girls and I respect your ability and expertise. You have always been the popular guy when I first met you. But I truly hope that you would only play with players who are up for the game. Don't simply go and play around with people feelings and create more victims k? Anyway, as promised, I will not insert any of our photos here because I respect the privacy concern of yours. I think this is the only platform where you could still get updates about me (if you still care)? Having said that, can you see how weird things have become between us? How can bro-sis stop interacting/get-in-touch pulak? Since when had our relationship become so awkward and complicated, gor? Why does it have to be this way? Why??

Do you know how badly I wish I could turn back time and go all the way back to the beginning? Then perhaps we might be able to right all the wrongs that we have done, kan? I will never regret the day I asked you to be my bro, but if.. IF.. If I never did ask, perhaps our lives wouldn't have to be so tangled up? It's such a torment to see things turned out this way gor. I don't know how do you feel about us but for the record, I've never regret having you in my life and I guess what I'm going through is just the price that I have to pay for being granted what I want, you. That's why I'll never delete our chat history gor, I know it might sound pathetic but that's the only way to feel your existence, to know that you are real and not an imaginary being of my own creation. So, I'll endure it through. Even though it might be just a virtual you, I should be more than contented already, kan?

Please always remember that, if you ever need me, you may still reach my cell k? This is the least I could do for you now I think? And I still hold on to the promise I made. I'll never break it without your consent, gor. I sincerely hope that you would lead a happy, healthy and meaningful life. And I'll also strive to lead a life that I've always wanted, which is what I have been doing now. Thanks for all the wonderful memories, take care ya, you will always be in my heart. Love you.

Just wish to share with you the one song that best describes my feelings, I cried when I heard it for the first time. Listen closely to the lyrics. Will we ever be able to get it right gor?

P/S If you've forgotten our plan for Kung Fu Panda 3, or you can't keep the promise, that's also ok, I understand, no worries.

Dear CT,

Time flies wey, you have now graduated and awaiting for posting! Congrats again, and I'm so proud of you. Though you have always said pharmacist can't earn much and you have little passion in it, I'm sure that you have been searching for inspiration and motivation to become the person that you wish to be. It's not easy to have found passion in early years, but doesn't mean that it's impossible right? And I'm one of the examples of being one of the lucky ones to have found it and currently pursuing it, and I'm more than happy to share my knowledge with you :)

Btw, do you know that you have grown up so much within a year time? You used to be very negative about life, about this, about that, and literally about everything.. LOL.. (Ya, you were a super EMO Queen back then! :p) I don't know how did you do it but you are now a much more positive person. You may not believe the content of the book I intro you but your own set of believes have brought you to where you are today. Well, actually, I'm hoping that I might be one of the reasons for your positive changes lar.. haha..

On a separate note, I'm glad that you felt "gan dong" to have received my letter.. haha.. Seriously, nowadays who posts a physical letter when everything has been digitalized and can be done via social media right? (Even Dracula and the whole bunch of monsters there in Hotel Transylvania 2 use social media.. haha.. ) Oh well, this is called "有心" ok? Actually, part of it was because you are lucky as well, 'cause your birthday fell on a weekday, else my letter wouldn't be able to reach "chun chun" on your birthday already. Haha.. Glad that you love the dream-catcher that I bought all the way from Krabi though it was given in advance.. XD

P/S Make sure we are enrolling for French class next year k? Ahem ~~~

Eh, forget to take a selfie with you when we went pavilion.. Ishh

Dear ZY,

This year has been quite happening to us both eh? It was the year where both of us changed job at almost the same time, and then got new job at almost the same time. Haha.. We have always had endless of topics to talk about, and that only adds up the topics to a higher level with our jobs-related dilemmas. I'm glad that I'm the one who you look for when you need someone to talk to, someone to give opinions and someone to hear you out. It's truly my pleasure to be this special friend of yours and to have the chance to grow up with you together :)

This year was also the year where we both had the most number of times of "yumcha" sessions, aka cafe hunt and hanging out sessions. I might not have time to post them all to my blog but the photos lies safe and sound in my phone.. hehe.. Thank you for always accommodating me and had the sessions in areas I'm familiar with instead of going too far off into KL area :)

We have finally met up with Ah West all thanks to you! Winnie however, hmm, too bad that she couldn't join us. I hope that she would be available to join us for the Europe trip though. The more the merrier mar XD Since you have always been the initiator and planner for all the meet-ups, then the Europe trip also you gaodim lar k? :p

Ah West with all the patterns-patterns again.. haha..

Dear Mr L,

I'm glad that we finally had the chance to meet up after I graduated! I've always wanted to join your sharing sessions but the timing was not right for me. Even if it was, I think I would have had thought twice before registering for your session 'cause I'm a little too shy to speak in front of people, let alone strangers whom I've never met before. So yeah, I'm grateful that you are kind enough to have arranged a private session for me, instead of a formal one. I felt at ease when discussing about the challenges I faced, and it's rather surprising that you could always see how stressful/lost I was when I thought I had it covered up perfectly. Hmm..

I'm so happy that we got to meet again, but I'm also very paiseh that you had to come pick me up, treated me lunch. Seriously, next time can let me treat you ar? You are guiding me with my project and that's the least I could do I think. Anyway, I'm glad that you like the souvenirs I bought for you from my Krabi and Korea trip :) Oh ya, every time I think of meeting up with you, my mind would straight strike about the yoga class! I'll follow up with the sensei and see if she would be able to open up a weekend class :D

Thank you so much for always cheering me up with your "cold jokes" though most of the times I was too slow to get it.. lol.. I know you have always been worried about me, and that's why I hope to share with you just any good news the moment it happens. I'm forever grateful to have attended your class and learnt about focus, relaxation and appreciation. It's all about the mindset, really, as I can see my life getting better and heading to the direction that I wish to achieve and it's all thanks to you :) 

I hope that life has been good to you too, sir. Take care ya. Since I can't post our photos here, then let me share a quote here k...

Thanks for being passionate to guide us through life and share your experience with us :)

Dear ZL,

You are the only one that are still in close contact with me since I left my previous job. It's strange to see how we are able to get so close when our age gap is quite wide.. I don't know why when I'm with you, our topics would automatically become so serious and mature, though my body language might have shown otherwise. I just know that I'm able to see so much things through you, be it life matters, relationship matters or work-related matters, and I'm glad that you are willing to share them with me.

In return, I hope that I would be able to help you out as well to make your life better. I'm not saying that your current one is bad, I'm just saying that, there is always room for improvement and make things better and better right? Wait, I think I know why we clicked. I think it's due to the fact that we are both the eldest daughter in the family and that's why somehow or rather, we have the same way of thinking? Hmmm.. But I'm glad that you have allowed me to share with you some of the books that I've read and I'm glad to see that you have now become a much more positive person too :)

Anyway, I'm sorry that I'm not able to celebrate your birthday with you this year because of my over-loaded schedule. I was getting busier towards the end of the year but I promise that I'll make it up to you next year k? Let us ganbatte together ya! There are so much more to achieve so long as we stay positive and support each other along the way! :D

My favourite shot of us both :D

Dear M and FY,

Almost a year has passed since we last met. Hmm.. Was it during the convo? A year time could really made a lot of difference eh? Even M you are having long hair now! Haha.. I've always wondered how would you look like with long hair and TADA, quite pretty k? :D As for FY, I'm so sorry that I couldn't manage to take leave to attend your convo but I truly feel proud of you, welcome to the working world XD

I'm sorry that I erm.. Well.. Brought a friend of mine to our catching-up session and made it a whole lot weirder than it should have been. It's awkward to really chat and gossip when there's a stranger around kan? I promise I will never make the same mistake again next time we meet up k? It will only be us and we could be sampat-sampat all the way we want.. haha..

Don't be so stressful on your work ya, M. You are a very capable person and I'm sure there are other much better companies out there who truly appreciate talents. Don't limit yourself in the current level and always remember to explore further and do things that really inspire and excite you. I remember you saying having interests in PR related field or something? After all, we only live once, kan? As for FY, I hope that you have found a job ya if you have not; if you have, hope that you could learn as much as possible and bring it with you no matter where you go. Here I quote from The Intern, "Experience never gets old" :D

Hope to hangout again :D

Dear KB kakis,

After all these years, finally we had the chance to travel together! Frankly speaking, I felt awkward at first, because I never thought that we were close enough to that extend. I think mainly because J insisted that's why we made it a reality.

Speaking of J, I'm sorry that whenever you jio me for some events/activities, I'm forced to decline your invitation because of my ever-busy life. Yeah, I don't know why you guys are always so free to go here and there while me on the other hand, is always tied down with work. I guess I'm just a step ahead of y'all to have stepped into working world and that's why it's hard for me to find time to hangout.

I think y'all would never understand why I'm working so hard towards achieving my goals but that's ok. Everyone has their way of life and I'm just living mine. Please always remember that, if my schedule permits, I would definitely join you guys to hangout or travel again! 

P/S Thanks for bearing with all my watermarks on photos I've taken during the trips.

Where's our next stop? XD

Dear Ah Ben,

Hohoho.. Someone finally came back from UK! So jelly when saw your Europe trip photos on FB okay! Thanks for spending time with me for some catching ups (Mission Impossible 4 was nice!!) I've always enjoyed listening to your stories on your journey to pursue your dream. Because why? Your stories would always make me laugh! LOL Eg, the way you described your experience transforming into a  "super master chef" who is capable of preparing all sorts of food! Of course your mum is super proud of you kan, this super master chef is few hundred thousands bucks in making wey! XD

I'm happy to see that you are still the same despite of some hardships that you are going through. I know it's never easy to study LAW because I struggled "gao gao" when I had my law subjects back in Uni. So yeah, please remain SS and humorous ok. I'm sure you would do fine because you are more capable than you thought. You are able to talk about anything and everything and not everyone has your ability to "blow water" you know? :p

Thanks for giving me the chance to share with you what I've been pursuing and what I intend to pursue next year. I always value opinions/feedback from people because that's how we grow. They might be able to see things from perspectives that I could have missed out. That's why please complete your studies as soon as possible okay~~ I look forward to having you as a business partner in the near future. Please remember me when you have become a successful tycoon ya! :p

P/S Remember our quarterly appointment k :D

谢谢你配合我的高度.. LOL..

Dear S and LP,

You two are the ones that I'm still in touch with after I left my previous job. Is it because of the fact that we "throw letter" at the same time? LOL.. Oh well, I'm sure we did that after thorough contemplation rather than acted on an impulse right? We are adults already, after all. I'm glad that we are still able to update each other of our current endeavours. Thanks for inviting me to your wedding, LP, hope you were not surprised seeing THB in your "angpao" from me.. LOL

Half a year has passed. many events had happened/evolved around the three of us, with LP adjusting to being a wife, S arranging her time between full and part time job, as well as family, BF and friends, while me on the other hand, striving to have a balance lifestyle between jobs and studies. It's so hard to find time to catch up since everyone is having different schedules and life priorities. However, I'm so glad that we never give up on each other despite of the busy life that we lead.

Well, I'm also glad that I took the liberty to create a Whatsapp group for just the three of us. Not only it helps ease our communication, it's also a medium where we share all the latest news related to nothing but money-related topics, be it finance, economy, share market, UT and etc. TBH, I used to be quite a selfish person back then. But knowing you all make me realize that, sharing knowledge and information with others make me grow as well. Let us ganbatte together and achieve what we want! OK?! *Jiayou *Jiayou!!

P/S LP, you don't become lazy ar after married... Come join us lar~~~
P/S S, you don't always go "pou" alone can ar, bring me along can ar? Ishh

Finally we have a group photo!! The accidental surprise? The coincidently matching dress code: RED!! 
是心有灵犀的意思吗? XD

Dear Mr A,

I think the last catch-up that we had was when I visited Singapore? Fuh, almost 2 years had passed. We didn’t really chat much until few months ago kan? That time I was asking you about the candle-stick thingy, haha.. I thought maybe wanna give it a try, to be a trader just like you. But I realized, not only it needs knowledge and guts, it needs a strong heart as well! The moment I saw the graph surged, I was excited; but when the graph plunged, I panicked. I guess my heart is just not as strong as yours in facing all these rebellious graphs wey. Haha.. Nevertheless, it was a wonderful experience lar XD

I’m glad that we managed to meet up after almost 2 years time. I was thinking to treat you for being such a wonderful sifu to me, but ended up being treated by you pulak. Haha.. But not bad right the place that I recommended? Glad that you loved it, both the place and the food :D I had so much laughs all thanks to you, as well as all the stories of those “atas” people that you acquainted. I had totally changed my view on Singapore society as soon as I heard all those stories that you’ve shared! No wonder people say, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” LOL

You are also one of the few that I kinda shared my family background with. Maybe due to the fact that we both come from a similar background, that’s why I feel more comfortable to do so? Maybe we both have a fair share of how it felt like to be abandoned? Anyway, don’t want it to sound so pathetic here. Life still goes on, and it’s a blessing that we managed to make the best out of it, kan? :D Though our age gap is quite wide, but you still see me like, some sort of your sister like that. Haha.. You sure ar? It would truly be my pleasure to have you looking out for me know? ^^

Remember let me treat you back for your birthday next year k? :D

Dear Mr R,

I'm grateful that Ms V intro you to me. I was so lost as to what should I do or how should I reach my "destination". I was shocked though, when the first time we met, you straight intro me to your MD seriously. But I'm glad you did because through his explanation and sharing, I feel like this is the place I would like to venture into, this is the place where I would like to acquire and brush up the necessary skills to reach where I want.

You have been a very supportive mentor to me, Mr R. Not just helping me with all the arrangements for licences, trainings and seminar, paper works etc, you are kind enough to share your PA with me. You are really giving me more than I could ever dare to dream of. Though at first I was quite shy, because I felt like you might be a very strict person and would always has very high expectation on people, I realized I was wrong. You really treat me as an adult and trust that I would take necessary initiatives on my own pace rather than being pushed to achieve what has to be achieved. I still have a long long way to go and I hope to learn more from you!

You have always been there to give me advice and willing to lend me a pair of listening ears when I was frustrated with life (ya, especially on my recent encounters.. gosh~~ ). Thanks for showing me around the place you usually like to hangout at, despite of some "gossips" going on.. LOL.. If you don't mind, I kinda wish to visit your "collections" too :D

A bit blur pulak..
Anyway, next time sure got chance to take more right? :D

Dear fellow comrades,

Time flies, though we have not known each other for long, we had been seeing each other for almost every weekend! Haha.. From strangers, to classmates, to group mates, to study kakis, to friendship. I'm glad that you all welcome me into the gang despite of me being rather shy at first. From occasional talks to weekly chit-chat and experience sharing, you guys have helped me learnt so much more than just knowledge from text books!

At first, I felt rather uncertain about signing up for the course but I'm glad I did. You guys made me see that, knowledge, experience, networks and net-worth takes time to gain, to build, to accumulate. You guys made me realized how important it is to plan early, start early and act early. I felt so guilty for wasting time after graduated from Uni and felt so stupid for wasting so much money! The power of compounding interest should never be under-estimated wey! So yeah, I'm determined now :D

I know it's never easy to juggle between work and study at the same time but the journey was not as hard as I thought with you guys around. Y'all are never selfish to guide me through and I thank y'all for that. Especially Mr Rafiq, not only you shared finance-related knowledge with us, you are generous enough to share your experience from consulting-end as well, and it made me realized that there are so much things that I could have done with my life!

Thanks for all the wonderful moments, guys! Thanks for all the motivations and supports throughout the length of time. Keep in touch ya, and we shall meet again soon in 3 months time :)

P/S Alan, we will have another group photo with you k ;)

Dear Cyber-villagers,

Truth be told, I was literally having a cultural shock when I first joined the company. I had no idea what was XML, Putty, script, SQL etc etc, it's like I was entering to an alien world. But you guys have been very patient with me and willing to guide me through. From managing paper works, to tailing logs, to managing users, you all have exposed me to areas which I've never thought I could have the chance to experience with. Seriously, a business student with ZERO IT background leh, super duper a lot of work to catch up neh..

Here's a special shout out to our direct superior, Mr B. Your constant support has really helped shaped my learning curve in this fast pace environment. You are strict and serious at times, but I like the fact that, you don't talk about work when we go makan or hangout. It kinda fills up the "generation gap" that I thought we would have. And BTW, of all managers that I've come across with, you are the only one who likes to tickle people LOL.. 

So yeah, thanks for looking out for the three of us, glad to be placed under your "leadership", BB, thanks for treating us the "ATM" as adults, at the same time, bear with our "sampat" behaviour at times. I know I'm a rather shy type of person and could take up a long time to mingle around, but you guys accept me anyway and I'm forever grateful for that :)

This collage macam arranged by color tone like that.. LOL
MY, we are waiting for you to join us next year k :D

Dear Mr K,

First of all, there is this quote that I wish to share:

That's the reason why I didn't feel like replying you at times.

Well, let's just say, we kinda have "generation-gap". You always see me as a small kid and keep on nagging me "You should do this", "You should do that", without really see where I'm coming from. You have no idea what's going on in my head yet kept on trying to impose your believes onto me and I don't like that. I don't like the way you accused me for making assumptions when you were the one assuming. Who is the one with double-standard now, hmm? You are just like someone I used to know, who is super good in expressing feelings and pointing fingers and that only makes me wanna avoid you more. 

That's just some of which I feel not right being with you. So yeah, I'm sorry for being rude and cruel but let's not waste each other's time alright. I'm sorry if I've accidentally given you any wrong signals seriously. I don't mind if you hold any grudges against me. If you happened to stumble upon this post of mine, just know that I wanna thank you for giving me the chance to understand myself better. I'm just not someone who could be forced/maneuvered around easily into compromising something which I don't feel right. 

Anyway, thanks for introducing me to one of your friends as IFA and also the screen protector. That's all then, wishing you a successful life ahead, take care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#2015BestNine

This post somehow sums up my entire life journey in 2015 as well. Hope to meet more people, make more new friends and acquire more knowledge and experience in the years ahead. Oh, I mean, starting from tomorrow, as in like, officially 1st of Jan 2016.. LOL.. Oh ya, Mr P, you are one of them. Hope to meet up with you when you coming back from Taiwan next year k? Don't tell me to wait for another year again ar ishh...

On a separate note, I noticed I've been in my comfort zone for too long. 2 years into the work force but I've never really tried to push myself over the limits. This year I've tried to stretch my time management skills by picking up a part-time course (self-funded). I wish to add one more item onto my current plate starting tomorrow. I know it won't be easy, I just hope I could make it through via baby steps. I wonder if I would be able to do it right but hey, with all the people around me who are ready to lend me a hand and guide me through, being afraid is just too embarrassing right!

Argh~~ I need so much of courage and positive energy to fuel me up for the fights !!
Hope you guys are doing great too and will achieve better in the years ahead, Ganbatte !!
#HopeCourageStrength